Official Halt

As the more perceptive of you may have already realized, I´ve not been working too much on this blog.
The simple reason is that it´s just not satisfactory as a writer to pen the same content twice. I´m not a big fan of hour-long translations. That being said, I hope you anglophile readers accept my apology. The idea was primarily to supply my German family, friends and supporters with information. This I´ve done. Please understand that and use a translation device or ask me personally if you really want to know more.

Hopefully, I´ll publish a book at some point in the future. This will be available in English. Don´t worry! As of now, this will be the last entry here.

Thanks for your interest and take care,

Jan

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Hey, y'all! I know I should rather put up a new episode of my blog but this just came at me by means of a great powerlifter. Enjoy these lines! I'm not to be credited with their fabrication at all, but I'd appreciate opinions in form of comments at the end. Thank you and please have some more patience until the next article arrives.


TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT .
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND ,

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE .

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE'

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED
'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE M UST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT'

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON,

AN HOUR TO
APPRECIATE THEM,

A DAY
TO LOVE THEM,

BUT THEN,

AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM.

SEND THIS TO
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER
FORGET.


IF YOU DON'T
SEND IT TO ANYONE,
IT MEANS YOU'RE IN A
HURRY AND THAT YOU'VE
FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIENDS.

TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS
YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE
WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE!


Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

A legacy beginns...

My dear readers!

Since I have left you hanging in the air for so long, I feel that it is now time to provide you with more of my written word. It is going to be captivating, it is going to be enlightening and, most important of all, it is going to be delivered to you on a regular basis, just like the Guardian Weekly.
So be my guest to indulge in this feast of tales from the end of the world and bear witness to the most exciting and most enthralling experience you might ever have while sitting in the comfort and safety of your favorite easy-chair.

Note: I'm now starting to translate all my former work previously published in German and can hence ensure a steady supply of regular updates. What has previously only been accessible to some grumpy Germans can soon be viewed by the majority of the literate rest of the world.


This is the first entry, done in September 2009:

I know it took forever, I promised it about a hundred times and misfortune and utter laziness made me not get back on track, but here he is at last:

My first weblog entry.

I made this blog primarily as to provide you with information but also to avoid having to repeat my stories constantly from anew. So, if you mean to inquire and bother me with another "So, what's it like over there?" - just check this blog here and leave me in peace, for Heaven's sake!

The probability is high that you are about to satisfy your every need! So even at the risk of sounding redundant: I am now stationed in Paraguay for a year and assist the socially less advantaged and help them lead a better life. I'm working for the "Fundacion Tierranuestra", which is located in the capital Asuncion.

What I'm actually doing, I cannot tell you. Even if I wanted to. Because it's top secret you may ask? No, because I have no clue. I've already been here for two weeks and still feel like the fifth wheel on a car. First, it was said that I should stop by at their office after a week. Nobody bothered to tell me why then and not earlier, as e.g. my fellow German volunteers employed at other NGOs and schools.

Not having much of a choice, I went there in the morning (got up early for the first time after quite a while of post-graduation sleep-in-late slumber. I hereby cordially send me regards to all students and workers out there!). There, I was told that my work colleagues were all still on vacation. I should come back again the following week, on the 25th of August.
Well, just imagine I would have opted for a regular German civil service with strict hours and ill-tempered supervisors ... some decisions in life just turn out to have been good ones! YES!

Maybe I should, at this point, just start relating some of the events about the my Odyssean journey Germany to Paraguay.
After the hardest part, the farewell, lay behind me, the pilgrimage truly began: the journey into the unknown! It was really not easy letting go, even if it was only for one year. Especially my beloved darling Janine and my parents will leave a great hole in my heart. Only my brother Janosch .... I'm having this weird feeling that he sported this broad grin at the airport that said, "Get on that plane already, douche. Your PC and room belong to me now ...!"

Well, be it as it may, I already got a nice taste of South America at the airport in Frankfurt. First, the flight had been delayed for 45 minutes. After we had already boarded! Then we sat there for an hour on the plane ... still on the ground ... with 300 people ... no air conditioning .. heat ... hunger .. while being excruciatingly thirsty! Luckily, I had bought a bottle of water (skalping 3.50 Euros for a 0.3 l bottle). If I would have listened to the other volunteer, Nic, I would have had nothing to drink at all. ("There'll drinks on the plane, dude!" YES, BUT I WOULD HAVE CRAPPED THE BED FROM DEHYDRATION BY THE TIME THEY STARTED SERVING THEM, so no thanks!)

At least, I wasn't alone. The third of us, Steffi, sat next to me. Beside me, on the other side, sat a mean Asian guy, who constantly put his elbows on my part of the armrest and continuously aggravated me with his sneezing in our confined space. The heat didn't contribute to me calming down. Nor the fact that I couldn't properly read the edition of the Frankfurter Allgemeine newspaper I brought in great anticipation, because I had no space to unfold the pages - due to said Asian!
Exasperated, I eventually got fed up with the huge bulk of paper cramming up the space around my legs and decided to discreetly shove it under the seat in front of me and "spread the word" forward.

Me at Guarulhos Airport, Sao Paulo, Brazil

The flight itself was actually quite okay - with 12 hours just for one leg, clearly the longest journey of my life so far. The next morning we arrived in Sao Paulo, Brazil, where our connecting flight awaited us. Or rather, we were waiting for it... several hours. Meanwhile Nic got hoodwinked by a local grocer, while I started reading a book.
During the second flight, I really only slept and ate. It was just the most convenient thing to do since I always seemed to wake up just in time for a snack. Be it as it may, after we arrived in Asunción and past the eternally long queues at the last checkpoint, customs, we arrived in the visitors' area. Steffi and Nic were exuberantly greeted by their families. I, on the other hand, was picked up by a representative of AFS, my exchange organization. We took a cab to the office. I noticed that no belts were available in this car. I was too exhausted to even care. I also felt kind of let down by my supposed first host family. Well, someone always has to draw the shortest straw.
At the office, I again proved my sitzfleisch by waiting two hours for my host brother. The people at the office seemed nice enough, but frankly, I didn't understand a single word. Oh, I should perhaps mention this: I do not speak Spanish! Here in Paraguay, both that and an Indian language, Guaraní, are used.

When I got to my host home, I couldn't wait for dinner to be served, which I quickly wolfed down. Later in the evening, we went on to my host brother's fiance's birthday celebration. Again, I understood hardly anything, but could, now and then, tickle some funnybones. However, I have to admit that rather than skillfully juxtaposing fine subtleties of the Spanish language and thus artfully crafting witty innuendos, I pretty much just accidentally used terms in a pathetically wrong context. (So, how are you doing? - Oh, quite spinach, thank you. And yourself?)

I was more of an attraction than an equal member of society. Sort of like a monkey, which is thrown a banana, in order to find out where he'll stick it next!

Nevertheless, I will not leave the impression that these people are hostile in any way. I'm just offended easily when someone smiles at me sympathetically like I was a blithering fool! Really, Paraguayos, as far as I can judge them now, are incredibly friendly and helpful. I simply need to improve my language skills!
After we got home, I threw myself straight on the bed. I was asleep before I even hit the mattress.

Oh, one more thing I should perhaps mention: the toilet paper here is not thrown into the bowl, but in a special special trashcan on the side! The pipes down here are too small to handle the extra bulk. They just clog up. One can of course also do it European style and flush the wipes down anyways, as I did the first day. Whether the flooding that occurred later, was desirable, is another issue.

This was my first entry, folks. More will follow. If you like what you see, stay tuned for more. We'll have a weekly update from now on.
I'd also welcome you to share this link with friends, family or whoever you think should take a look at it.
I also greatly enjoy comments and new followers.

Talk to y'all soon.

- Jan

Follow my blog please!

It would be awesome and greatly increase the credibility of my blog if you'd choose to follow it. Just click "Follow" on the right-hand bar and sign in to your gmail, aol, yahoo, twitter or blogspot account. Thanks!

Also be sure to leave a comment and rate the articles after reading them. You can do this easily and without any signing in right under the respective posts.

Again, thank you for reading and don't hold back with your feedback.

- Jan

One Boy's Tale - Introduction

My fellow readers,

thank you for taking the time and making the effort to visit this page. You shall not regret it. This is going to be awesome. For you as much as for me.

But where are my manners?! I have yet to introduce myself. My name is Jan and I'm a German volunteer in Paraguay.
I'm sure you have lots of questions. In case you speak German be welcome to visit my other site: www.janinparaguay.blogspot.com where over 25 witty and interesting articles tell the story of my life among the diverse people of Paraguay. If not, don't worry and just bear with me.

The reason I created this page was because I have a big American family and lots of friends from all over the world who are, as I was told, dying to read something about my life over here. My name is pronounced "Yunn". Most Americans or others never get this straight. I even had people call me "Yawn". No thanks.

Why did I start a blog in the first place?
Well, let me start at the beginning. In the beautiful country some call "Paradise" but others Germany there is a rule. Every potent young chap graduating from high school needs to support his fatherland by ennobling himself and his nation through a certain type of service. Unlike America and other countries in the world, Germany has a nice "feel free to do it unless you never want to have a job" policy. So yeah, the decision wasn't really mine.

It works like this.
The "Kreiswehrersatzamtszustaendige" (the ministry guy in charge of you) sends you a letter asking you to come on by for a nice little physical. This usually occurs when you're 18.
Over there, they subject you to all kinds of tests and hence determine, based on the medical exam, what suitability category you are. There's a total of five possible outcomes. They are called T 1-5. The "T" stands for "Tauglichkeit" meaning adequacy or suitability.

T1 - recruit has no physical shortcomings and may be used for any job

T2 - recruit has one or more minor physical deficiencies such as decreased eye-sight or small stature (yes, the latter is indeed considered a critical lack. You would be too small for executing certain tasks such as being an official guard at international receptions. The minimum is usually a height of about 6 feet.)

T3 - mentally retarded (this category has, however, been abolished due to its discriminating nature)

T4 - temporarily unable to serve due to e.g. braces or a broken limb; you'll have to come back later

T5 - discharged as unfit due to major physical or mental deficiencies such as asthma, depressions or cancer


Accordingly, all the recruits who want to be real jocks and heroes try to be as close to T1 as possible. Because being unblemished means power and dignity. Right? This is the theory. The reality, my friends, is grossly different. Truth is that almost nobody wants to serve. Most people prefer to commence studies or work right after high school.
Bear in mind, however, that this is scheme only applies to the male population. Yes, you heard me. ALL WOMEN ARE EXEMPT. This may seem unfair at the first glance. Let me tell you something: It is!
It's obviously discriminating against men. Another example for this would be that starting female drivers in Germany pay less for their car insurance because they're allegedly safer drivers. This infuriates most men, including but not limited to the writer of this article.
While I can understand the insurance thing because it's based upon statistics, I have no sympathy whatsoever for the men-only draft. Not being the first to find this a little unnerving, the issue was already brought to court. However, the equivalent of the Supreme Court, God bless it, decided against the repeal of this law.

Why?

Well, you may not like the answer: The Supreme Court overruled the motion stating that women already have to suffer through nine months of agony and the painful act of labor.

Well, male cow excrement is what I thought it was.

Anyways, as I was saying, most people don't like to spend many months in the service of their terra patriae. The act of getting discharged has literally turned in to an art and not few books about this very topic have been published already.

One common trick is to smoke a lot of weed and get terribly drunk the night before so that the drug tests turn out positive and automatically get you the much sought-after T5. It might also get you a free-ride to prison and a good ol' pistol-whippin' to the back of your skull. This happened to a guy I met at a volunteer meeting of a Christian charity organization that was giving out scholarships for going abroad. He topped the drugs act off with urinating against the pole of the German flag right in front of the soldiers. It worked, but I don't suppose he mentioned this when he was, during the organization's interview, asked to tell a personal success story.
In case you do get drafted you would usually have to do a nine month-long military training camp somewhere in Germany. It used to be 24 months but was continually shortened. I even heard rumors of it getting cut down to six months in order to not waste economic potential and not have it wriggle through the mud.
The alternative to this is a civil service at some German institution such as a hospital, a retirement home or a refuse disposal site, i.e., a dump. Not all too appealing but you usually get paid quite handsomely for the small amount of banal work you're supposed to do. In recent years there has been another option and this is where we get back to the beginning.

The German government has started a program called "weltwaerts" (worldwards) funding scholarships to work in another country with needy people. That is what I'm doing right now.

It wasn't all too easy to get here since I was considered T1 and thus had trouble getting myself out of the fangs of the army. Not that I don't value their work but the stuff that those base recruits do is pointless and helps no one. The only thing you learn is to clean your gun and chug yourself comatose. Had I been born in the US, I might have very well opted for the Army or even the Marines, had I been accepted. But this is life and you make the best out of it.

After having convinced the ministry to let me go, I began applying to almost 80 different organizations for one of the few coveted spots. Since the government pays for everything through scholarships, places are very limited.
I did have certain conceptions of what I wanted to do. It was to be somewhere in Latin America as to learn Spanish and get to know one of its supposedly open and hearty cultures. It should also be something in the field of education or propaganda since this is what I'd probably be most helpful at and what also coincides with my wish to practice law later in life.
I ended up with two offers:

1. A spot as a caretaker at an Israeli lunatic asylum; duration 24 months

or

2. A spot as an assistant supervisor for a nature conservation institute in Paraguay; 12 months

As you correctly guessed, I chose the latter.

I got here on the 7th of August in 2009. I will be here until the latter half of July 2010.
As the more perceptive of you may have already realized, it's been about seven months since I arrived here but only started my English blog today. A thoroughly valid question would be: "Why now?"
Well, firstly because I was busy enough maintaining my German blog and secondly I just didn't feel the need.
The reason I started a German one earlier was as to keep my sponsors (we did have to do a little fund-raising) and my family and friends updated on my status.

So, I apologize for only starting now but hope to gain you as a regular follower.

Please feel free to leave comments of any kind. Your feedback is really important to me and lets me know that I'm not writing this entirely for nothing and helps me to improve my performance.

Take care and see you soon,

sincerely, Jan :-)